April 2010

Death and Its Logistics….

When Death comes to visit someone close to you, it can change your life experience very quickly.  I’ve recently had conversations which centered on how come people had not started any preparations in the event of their deaths.  In this instance, the preparations I’m referring to were completing a Will, and having an idea of what would be appropriate for a funeral. 

Here are some explanations that were offered:
“I’m young and healthy and I haven’t had the time to do anything about it.”
“I’ll be dead and I don’t care what happens to my body after.  They can do anything they want, I won’t be here to enjoy it or complain about it.”
“What’s the big deal?”
“I don’t own anything so there’s nothing to do.”
“I’m single and I don’t have any dependents, so whatever I have will go to my parents.”
“Fear and lack of time.”

Perhaps, you have heard of a few other explanations; nevertheless, it seems that quite a few people in our society do not make any logistical preparations in the event of their death.

One individual I spoke to had not realized what the logistical consequences would be for his family when he died.  He was not aware of the amount of work there is to do after a death, whether you include a funeral or not.  There are many details to be taken care of when one dies and those details can be quite overwhelming for whoever is responsible to put the person’s affairs in order. 

If a person has not done any preparations they are essentially leaving it to others to figure it out for them.  Death can come a’knocking suddenly for some, which can be a shocking experience for those left behind and that is not a good time to be making decisions.

Here are 5 actions that you can take now:

1. Invest in a visit to a lawyer, create a Will describing in detail what to do with your assets and choose an executor.
2. Inform yourself on the laws that are pertinent to you.
1. If you own a property, how does the ownership change hands after your death?
2. If you have dependents (including your pets), how are they going to continue without your support?  Who will inherit the responsibility to care for them? Are they aware that they will be inheriting this responsibility?  What will happen if your designate is unable or unwilling upon your death to take responsibility, do you have a backup plan?
3. If you are on disability what does that mean for your family?
3. Designate a Power of Attorney for your care and finances should you become incapacitated.  You can find free forms to download on the provincial government websites.  Keep them with your Will.
4. Inform your family and those closest to you about your Will, your wishes at end-of-life and also your ceremony preferences. 
5. Store your insurance papers with your Will so that they are easy to find.

 Also look at the practical side of your life, such as your car, your living situation and the bills you pay, e.g. phone, utilities, cable, websites, credit cards, etc.  All those accounts need to be closed when you die, otherwise your succession will be responsible to pay for any bills you have.  It would be best for you to have a convenient place to store all the necessary information which could be found by your executor. 

The truth is, whether you are concerned or indifferent about what happens to your body and/or your possessions after your death is beside the point in this particular aspect of death.  Someone still needs to close your accounts, notify the appropriate people and companies, create a funeral or ceremony, write an obituary, choose where to bury you, then figure out what assets you have and also what to do with them.  That is a lot of decisions and actions to undertake at a time when people need to be grieving the loss of their loved one.

Too often the information needed to make these decisions is scattered in various locations.  If you are interested in organizing your information and would like a little help, I have created a comprehensive Profile which helps the executor to know what your wishes are and how to close your records.  Please visit my website at www.deathdoula.ca under the Services tab for further details.

 Article written by
Debbie Charbonneau
Death Doula, End-of-Life Shaman
www.debbiecharbonneau.ca